To God - From the Dog

TO: GOD: FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cat ' s food.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

4 . The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

5 . My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

6 . I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

7 . I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

8 . Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

9 . I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

10 . I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

11 . The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.